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About Literature / Student Premium Member Demosthenes HMale/Australia Recent Activity
Deviant for 2 Years
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I do not guarantee customer satisfaction on anything that isn't poetry.

What is the difference between a raven and a desk? 

43%
3 deviants said There is a b in both and an n in neither
29%
2 deviants said 25.17
29%
2 deviants said Ah, where is that damned cat
0%
No deviants said None

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from our histories and philosophies and idolization of justice? Not much, apparently.

I don't care what names and reasons that men behind slaughter use. They seem to have forgotten that we were all once children. The toys they play with now are human lives.

There are no 'nations' that are guilty of the daily injustices you hear about or see. Russia is just a name for a lot of people in one place. So is Israel. So is anywhere else. All places have good and not-so-good people alike.

Individuals and groups run these countries and systems, and make these unjust choices. Not everyone there is part of that. So don't bomb and flatten people indiscriminately, nay, don't kill a single person at all. They were once children themselves. Same for us all.

It hurts me that we can sit and watch people dying in our living rooms. And then go to make a cup of tea and be emotional and decide to take a side or opinion without doing anything.

Don't choose a side, don't choose to support names and reasons for killing. 

Support being good humans and remembering that we all came from the womb crying and in need of love and shelter like anyone else.

I can only tell you to spread this message. That's all I wanted to say.
  • Mood: Hope
  • Watching: People killed every day.
Charming! Might I just say museums are super cool and anyone who says otherwise can stuff themselves (as opposed to letting the museum doing that for you).

Now into my delivery of poetic justice (ha): my critique is intended as feedback and I will do my utmost to help you! I am still new in the critiquing game so if you wish to dispute something or point out that I am a purple elephant, please feel free to help us both.

Firstly, your concept is refreshing and so is your use of rhyme. Thank you for choosing something unique to write about! Throughout the piece there is a sense of mischievousness created by the meter and the rhyming scheme that couples effectively with the narrative 'down this most endlessly mesmeric of halls/ for every person that gives up hope/ another portrait appears on the walls'

Your rhetoric in the second stanza also made me chuckle, very nice.

Secondly, while the first and second stanzas are great the last one lets the piece down. You begin your first with alliterative juxtaposition which is rather delectable to the scholar of poetry and deceptively simple 'disturbed, delightful journey' and the second with siblance 'superfluously sickening' and the last, it becomes clumsy in comparison to your previous because it is breaking your established convention of alliteration. The image is good 'envoy from hell' and the line after is gold. The last two lines are where the poem needs most work.

In the second last you use enjambment 'never gone/away from home' despite the fact all throughout your poem beforehand, there are pauses between lines and showing this with punctuation would be fine. i.e. 'Ah! Superflously sickening,/ Tell,' and thus when it comes to reading 'never gone/away from' we take a pause and because we stop the rhythm at the end of lines (your rhythm stops at the end of lines in most cases) we get confused when it continues into the next. So punctuate everything that needs it beforehand!

The last should have a conjunctive i.e. 'and' instead of the comma because it hurts your meter, 'You are a painting and your cycles are done' perhaps. Final lines should have more pizaz, you know.

Lastly, I would like to say you did a great job and you have fared vary well under my anal analysis! Thanks :D
message box and/or screen with my spindly words. Before you detest, allow me to start somewhere.







                          Over here is good.

Now in order to justify the uselessness that you have just witnessed I'm going to actually talk about something, so hold your breath. 

I, Demosthenes, am in need of some reading to nuzzle into. Yes, I have read so far into my own dwindling supply that I actually ran out. I will read anything as long as it has words. In fact, screw that, I'll read anything.

I just finished reading The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath and for those of you who are familiar with her or her work, I would recommend reading it between buckets of ice cream and therapy. It is essentially autobiographical, despite the changed names and fiction label. It deals with mental illness in the 50's for the young Plath and for anyone who does not know what it is like to go through with mental illness, and everyone who does (myself included) it is a pretty damn apt description.

Anyhow, nice talking. Love you all 'mwah'
What is the difference between a raven and a desk?
43%
3 deviants said There is a b in both and an n in neither
29%
2 deviants said 25.17
29%
2 deviants said Ah, where is that damned cat
0%
No deviants said None
Ck have I been?

Dead? Yes, a few times actually. Alive? Mostly, it's hard to tell some days.

Why have you come back, you deserting assmonkey

I have missed very dearly all the talented peoples whom take up their residence on DA. Also, I found that hurtful. My ass is not a monkey.
from our histories and philosophies and idolization of justice? Not much, apparently.

I don't care what names and reasons that men behind slaughter use. They seem to have forgotten that we were all once children. The toys they play with now are human lives.

There are no 'nations' that are guilty of the daily injustices you hear about or see. Russia is just a name for a lot of people in one place. So is Israel. So is anywhere else. All places have good and not-so-good people alike.

Individuals and groups run these countries and systems, and make these unjust choices. Not everyone there is part of that. So don't bomb and flatten people indiscriminately, nay, don't kill a single person at all. They were once children themselves. Same for us all.

It hurts me that we can sit and watch people dying in our living rooms. And then go to make a cup of tea and be emotional and decide to take a side or opinion without doing anything.

Don't choose a side, don't choose to support names and reasons for killing. 

Support being good humans and remembering that we all came from the womb crying and in need of love and shelter like anyone else.

I can only tell you to spread this message. That's all I wanted to say.
  • Mood: Hope
  • Watching: People killed every day.

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Demosthenes-H
Demosthenes H
Artist | Student | Literature
Australia
Allow me to begin honestly. I am unfinished, like the rest of you. Perhaps even barely a beginning.

I was raised on soul butter, in a world where some larders are just crumbs.

I have been writing profusely to navigate the world. My pages are my sails.

My own sea is one that has been diagnosed with mental disorders and the ships are all flooding.

Simply put, I am a human before I am a writer. I will drown for you in my head if that's what it takes.

Why do I do it this way, you ask?

To involve everyone in filling themselves with something other than things or careers or loathing or injustice.

To expose what we conceal in closed walls or wars or muscle or in that crackly pile of leaves that are our memories.

Love and truth, let the rest come full brunt and hurt me as it does.

Now a question for you: Why not?

"The world is paradise, and as soon as everyone realizes this, paradise will be established across all the world tomorrow." -Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov.
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